The Love That Should Never Have Been: Pt 7. Do They Hurt Sometimes?

“Do they hurt sometimes?
Do your feelings for me hurt you?” 

As we lay in the darkness of your room I close my eyes and can’t help but smile at the irony of your question.

Not an hour earlier I was closing my eyes in an attempt to dance away the pain in the club. To avoid collapsing under the painful possibility of opening my eyes and seeing you with someone else. You say yours hurt on occasion and you just want to know if we’re experiencing the same thing. However, I wonder if you realise the intensity behind what you’re asking, behind the simple “of course” I offer as a reply.

Sometimes my heart aches with such intensity I fear the pain might literally crush my physical being. The feelings generate such pressure and pain it temporarily paralyzes me, threatening to tear my lungs apart and I’m not sure how I’ll manage the next few minutes. On occasion there is such a weight on my chest I fear I can’t survive both the missing of nor the feeling of your energy much longer. 

I have survived the shattering of my entire world but in these moments I think it’s you that might actually break me. 

Yet separating from you doesn’t feel like a choice. We’re here for so much more than to be with each other. Our soul’s intimacy, their purpose together is so much bigger than just us. The idea of separating my soul from yours, of not fulfilling what we’ve come here together to do… That I would not survive. 

I am unable to turn away from your being, the intention of our bond, to deny the realization of what we are creating. I am certain the pain is temporary. It’s part of the journey towards our deepest connection, our soul’s objective. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. You, my dear, are making me invincible. Preparing me for what we will face on this journey of spreading joy, healing and love to the masses.

This is why I breathe through the slight pang in my heart every time you make me laugh. Why I find a way to deal with the stab in my soul every time you look deep in my eyes. 

The alternative is not an option.

So do they hurt sometimes? 

Yes, immensely, and I am grateful for it.